


something in me breeds love into fear

by whizzvin_writes



Series: Outside Myself [2]
Category: The Book of Mormon - Ambiguous Fandom, The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst??, Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kevin Price Needs a Hug, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Panic Attack, Post-Uganda (Book of Mormon Musical), comforting connor mckinley, connor is helping his boyfriend, domestic mcpricely, kevin price has anxiety, kevin price has ptsd, mcpricely - Freeform, they share an apartment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:56:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23850382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whizzvin_writes/pseuds/whizzvin_writes
Summary: Nightmares were bound to follow Kevin after the incident, but he didn't expect them to last after Uganda. But this time is different, because he accidentally dragged his boyfriend into it.
Relationships: Elder "Connor" McKinley/Kevin Price
Series: Outside Myself [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718671
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	something in me breeds love into fear

**Author's Note:**

> Post Uganda, apartment sharing, and a loving Connor McKinley. What else do you need?
> 
> Part of the "Outside Myself" series, a group of one shots showcasing snapshots of Kevin Price and his struggles with PTSD.

“Kevin honey, wake up.”

Connor’s worried voice was what woke Kevin from his seemingly never-ending nightmare. Everything seemed off, yet everything still appeared the same. Eyes looking around the room, they began to widen as Kevin realized what was happening.

His fists were clenched, holding on tightly to the shirt his boyfriend was wearing. Connor’s eyes showed an emotion that Kevin couldn’t quite place, but his own fears filled him, imagining it was pain.

Immediately letting go and scrambling out of bed, Kevin was quick to apologize.

“Co-Connor I’m so sorry I promise I didn’t mean for- I didn’t mean to do that I’m so sorry-“ Kevin begged, beginning to cry. He curled into himself while digging his nails into his forearms, and backed away until he was against the wall. “I would never hurt you on purpose I swear on my life, Connor I’m-“

“Kevin. Sweetheart. Calm down, please.” His voice, soft yet firm, made Kevin immediately close his mouth. Connor slowly got out of bed and made his way over to his lover. “Is it alright if I touch you?”

Kevin nodded, yet was still afraid. He couldn’t mess this up, not when everything felt stable and okay. Why couldn’t he be okay? Why does Connor still love him? Does he even? Does he wish Kevin were different? Probably, but would he tell Kevin that? Was he-

His thoughts were interrupted by feeling the cold, hesitant arms of Connor wrap around him. Kevin immediately leaned into the touch. His breathing quickened and he found himself crying once again.

“It’s alright dear, come on. I’ve got you, I’m not going anywhere, alright?” Connor held on tighter while whispering sweet nothings into his boyfriend’s ear. He quietly led the two back towards their bed and sat both of them down, continuing to rub circles in Kevin’s back.

It didn’t matter how much time had passed until Kevin had finally calmed down. But being who he was, the embarrassment that always came after his nightmares hit him hard. He looked at his hands, not daring to move.

“Sweetie listen to me.” Connor gingerly reached out for Kevin’s hand, and held on tightly. “I know you weren’t trying to hurt me. Don’t blame yourself for that. Was it something in your dream that caused that?” He asked. Kevin bit his lip, hating the feeling of being treated like a child. He nodded jerkily, until mumbling out an explanation.

“Was just the General, ‘s nothing.” If Kevin couldn’t look at Connor before, he certainly couldn’t now.

“I thought you said you hadn’t dreamt about that in a while?” Connor questioned, confused.

“Maybe I lied. But it’s fine now, let’s just go back to bed.” Kevin tried to lay down, but the firm hand holding his in place made it hard. The shame was building up and at this point he’d rather deal with the nightmares than witness the sight unfolding. Connor opened his mouth to continue, but Kevin quickly cut him off, looking into his eyes.

“I know when we started dating, you didn’t go in wanting- wanting any of this. A mess, I mean. Which means you’ll probably want to break up with me, right? You- You can. I won’t be mad, promise. I just- I don’t want to hurt you more.” Kevin said, honestly. Because truly, who did want the person who he was? Kevin Price, master of messes, disaster in life.

“Kevin, I don’t want to leave you.” Connor responded, shocked. “Nor do I think you’re a ‘master of messes’.” Kevin’s face paled as he realized he said his previous thoughts out loud. “I love you, Kevin Price. And I will keep loving you, even if you try to push me away. Let me love you.”

Kevin broke again at those words, tackling Connor into a hug.

“I’ll always be by your side.” The ginger smiled, holding on tighter.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated, check me out at @whizzvin-writes on tumblr!


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